The Importance Of Having A Village: How to Build & Nurture It and Why You Need One

Hey Y’all Hey!!!!

It’s your girl Monica “Author MoGeSu” Sumter coming to spread some love, light and glitter as always! I don’t know about you but as a single mom I often times feel very alone. You’ll get tired of me mentioning it but my daughter is a full time dancer and I’m a 100% die-hard dance mom. It may not sound like it but it’s a tough job and someone has got to do it. Sometimes she has two practices a day that I’m responsible for getting her from and to all after I’ve worked a full day.

If you’re anything like me you try to tackle everything all on your own. Asking for help sometimes make me feel as if I’m being a burden to others. Well flying solo leads to being overwhelmed which causes undue stress. In 2014 that stress led to blood pressure numbers higher than the ones that can lead to a very serious stroke, a barely beating heart and a one way ticket straight to the heart hospital. Everyone needs someone they can depend on to grant us that much needed break. Sometimes swallowing your pride and asking for help will save you a whole lot of heartache and pain in the long run.

I was very lucky that my parents could pick her up from elementary school instead of me having to pay for after-care. That was a true blessing. Knowing that she was in good hands I was able to relax and focus on my work, even pulling overtime some nights. By the time I got off she had already been fed dinner so all I had to do was eat dinner myself, get us home, showered and into bed. It was a tremendous weight off my shoulders. Once my father passed and my mother was working just as much as I was I had no choice but to incorporate people outside of blood family that I could trust.

Having other dance moms in my circle has helped a great deal. When I was working two jobs, 8 am to 11 pm six days a week, I was exhausted and unable to do the running back and forth. Knowing the struggle themselves, several of them pitched in to get her where she needed to be when I couldn’t. Whenever I could I was more than happy to return the favor for them. Women sticking together for the sake of our kids and their talent is definitely on that #GrownWomanhood level.

Now that she’s a teen and we both are doing more within our profession, being in the same place at the same time is a challenge. Sometimes I’m scheduled to speak at an event in one city or state and she has to dance somewhere hours away in the opposite direction. I’m comfortable and confident with the people in charge of the two organizations she dances for and I know that there are other dance moms ready to look out for her. A peace of mind is what your village is supposed to provide for you and that’s worth more than you know.

Having a village of family and friends is not only for us mommies but our children as well. My daughter loves going to a friend’s house when she’s not busy in order to get a break from me. When I’m tired I turn into that mom that calls her name a lot to “bring me this” and “bring me that.” She absolutely hates it!! Before letting her go to a friend’s house I have a conversation with the mom to make sure we’re on the same page and that our expectations are the same. I never leave her longer than I’m supposed to and I never send her without money unless I’ve cleared with the other mom that she doesn’t need any. Common courtesy goes a long way, especially if you want your child to be invited over again so you both can have a break from each other.

As our kids grow up and start staying home alone our neighbors will play a big role in our village as well. An occasional glance out the window at your house or a quick phone call to make sure your children are alright is a great act of kindness. My neighbor meets my daughter at the bus stop on her golf cart every day just to give her a lift home instead of her having to walk. Talk about a big help. This SC heat can be brutal! Your neighbors know your routine and have surely seen who comes and go at your home. Anything suspicious looking that may cause concern, especially while the kids are home alone, is definitely something a good neighbor would look into. I know mine have and I’m truly grateful to them.

By not having a village of supporters in my single mom world I’d not only be hindering myself but my child as well. It’s not just for me, it’s for her too. Whether it’s to just get a break or a lift others will always be needed to help us both in our daily lives. Just as we need others, others may need us so don’t forget the help that you get from your village, needs to be given to the members of your village in return. 

Until next time you guys, be on the lookout for more from your girl MoGeSu!!

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http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sagenetwork/2017/01/13/sage-mentoring-moments-the-village