“Good to Great”
“Ugh,” I
thought to myself as I watched the crowd from the bar.
My eyes
scanned the different faces and paused when I got to the crew I’d come with. I
loved my friends dearly but I just wasn’t feeling apart of the whole scene
tonight. I’d been working extremely hard to close out the year’s files and I
was exhausted. I couldn’t help but notice how happy they all were. My friend
Jasmine was married with kids. Todd was newly engaged. Kristian was single but
had a long time boyfriend. We were expecting him to propose any day now. Those
were my closest friends but out of my entire circle I was the only truly single
person with not even a hint of settling down.
“TEN! NINE!
EIGHT!” The countdown had begun.
I turned
away from the crowd and back towards the bar. The bartender stood smiling,
watching over the crowd.
“You better
hurry up and grab someone to kiss on at midnight,” she yelled at me over the
noise.
“Nah I’m
flying solo,” I yelled back.
“Well you at
least made your resolution?” she asked.
“Just to go
harder in my career this year than I did last year,” I told her proudly.
“Well maybe
that’s a big part of the reason why you flying solo,” she said as the crowd hit
“ONE!”
“HAPPY NEW
YEAR!!!!” everyone shouted and the crowd went wild.
Confetti and
balloons streamed from everywhere and people blew horns and kissed. I sat in
silence, absolutely stunned at the bartender’s words. Pissed, I abruptly got up
and stormed out of the club and into the crisp, cold night air.
Auld Lang
Syne could be heard billowing from every building out into the streets. I had
no earthly idea where I was going but I just knew I had to get far away from
that damn bar.
“Just who in
the hell do she think she is?” I asked out loud to myself.
“I worked my
ass off to get where I am and I ain’t letting no bartender take that away from
me!”
This year so
far had gotten off to an awful start and it was literally only two minutes in.
The last place I wanted to go was home just to be alone with my thoughts but
the wind was relentless and my hands were cold as ice. I ducked into my
favorite diner and basked in the warmth that greeted me. I looked around and
the line was longer than I cared to stand in. I took a window seat and decided
to wait it out there instead.
While
staring out the window I saw visions of the happy couples kissing and bringing
in the new year together while the bartender’s words played over and over in my
head. I closed my eyes and just wanted it all to go away. It wasn’t like I’d never been in a
relationship. I’d been in a few but they all just brought stress and heartache.
I didn’t need either one of those while trying to further my career. My parents
were well taken care of and I was able to put my little brother thorough
college so all was good on my end as far as I was concerned. I was happy that
they were happy and that was enough for me……right?
“Happy New
Year,” a close by male voice greeted me.
I jumped and
turned around. Standing there with two cups that had steam curling up from
their tops was a guy I’d seen around in the diner and the building I work in. I
figured he worked there too. I had the slightest idea what his name was.
“Yea same to
you,” I barely said as I turned back towards the window.
“It’s pretty
cold outside. I figured you could use a little something to warm you up. That
line was long and those heels are hella tall so I just took it upon myself to
get you your usual.”
I snapped my
head around. “And what is that?”
“A large hot
chocolate heavy on the caramel but light on the whipped cream,” he quoted.
“Stalk
much?” I hesitantly reached up and took the cup as he was handing it my way. He
could see the weirded-out look on my face so he explained.
“We’re in
here at the same time most mornings. I hear you order the same thing all the
time.”
“Mmmmhmmmm,”
I said as I sipped my drink, still skeptical. The smooth hot liquid felt good
going down.
He wasn’t a
bad looking guy at all. He was quite handsome, well groomed and dressed very
nicely. Come to think of it, he always was. Unless he was the janitor or
something he must have had a pretty good job because all the companies in the
building we work in were high end companies such as law firms, brokers and different
kinds of privately owned agencies. I myself was trying to work my way up to
partner at the head law firm in the city.
“Come to
think about it we are always meeting by chance. How about we meet on purpose
this Friday night? I’d love to take you out on a date. You seem to be a private
person, as I am also, so we can meet here then head to dinner and a movie. Let’s
say 6pm-ish. How does that sound to you?” he asked.
“Sure,” I
said dismissively as I stared out of the window again.
I was still
hearing the bartender’s voice and pondering exactly what was the meaning and
purpose of her statement. Was I not supposed to want better for myself? Exactly
what was so wrong with that? I had goals and dreams I was trying to accomplish.
I had a family depending on me. I just wanted to be established before settling
down, that was all. Why exactly did people always assume love and kids was
supposed to come first? I’m only 32. I have plenty of time.
The guy had
been talking and eventually he waved and left. I waved him away, realizing I
hadn’t heard a word he’d said for the last five minutes. It was for the best
that he’d left. I wasn’t one for small talk and tonight my patience was even
shorter. I really hoped this start to the new year wasn’t a glimpse of what the
rest of my year was going to be like……
***
For as long
as I could remember I’d always been a serious person, even as a child. Don’t
get me wrong I played outside with my friends and had what I considered fun,
but I don’t know if they felt the same way about me. When playing any type of
games, winning is the goal, right? So that’s what I concentrated on. Everything
has a strategy. I would focus on how fast my opponents could run, what their
habits were or how quickly they could think on their feet. I’d figure it out
and use it all against them for the win. That was the purpose, so that’s what
I’d strive for.
My skills
were what made me such an excellent lawyer. I applied the same ones from
childhood to my adult life, especially in the courtroom. I’m so damn good at
what I do, that’s why I was having such a hard time figuring out just why I’d been passed up as partner yet
again. I tried to put on the best face I could but I just didn’t get it. I was
promoted, though. I got a new office, more money, I was given my own assistant
and everything but I still did not have the title I’d been working my ass off
to get.
Even though
New Year’s Day quickly came and gone the same cloud that found its way to me
that day seemed to be still following me around. I had no desire to pretend to
be jolly and happy at my office spring festival but I also had no choice.
It seemed as
if these people found any and every reason to party. They loved to drink well
beyond their limit, dance badly, laugh loudly and talk major shit. I guess it
would’ve been fun for anyone else but for me schmoozing with my bosses and
co-workers was just another part of the job. I could’ve thought of a million
other things I could’ve been doing in my office. I had deadlines I needed to
meet. I was passed up this time but I was determined this was going to be the last time.
“Heeeeeey
everybody!!!!” yelled a familiar and very annoying voice.
“Heeeeeey!!!!!”
everyone yelled back.
It was my
assistant, Shelby. She’d been working for me for a few months and wasn’t
particularly good at it. She was very rough around the edges but worshiped the
ground I walked on. I knew she would do anything I asked but I just needed
someone that could keep up. Everything in me wanted to get rid of her but she
was at least trying and I didn’t want to seem like that hard to please kind of boss.
I was trying to make a good impression on the higher ups, not give myself a bad
rep as being difficult to work with.
I wanted to
see what direction she was in so I could go the opposite way. I peeped in the
huge mirror above the receptionist’s area and immediately locked eyes with a
familiar face but it wasn’t my assistant’s. It was her date, the guy from the
diner on New Year’s night. My mouth dropped open and for some reason he looked
smug.
“I mean
didn’t he ask me out that night?” I
wondered to myself.
I had been
pretty out of it at the time of our conversation. My mind had been so messed up
from the foolishness the bartended had said. Even if he had asked me out we
didn’t make any solid plans like setting a date nor time or anything. From the
looks of it I should be glad I didn’t make any plans with him, ole “wanna be a
player” ass!! I guess the joke was on me and that was the reason for his smug
look. In the mirror we both could see my look of shock quickly turn into one of
disgust.
“Boss
Lady!!” I heard through my thoughts. “I want you to meet my boo!!”
“Damn!” I
said to myself.
I pretended
to not hear her and hurried off to see someone on the other side of the office before
they could reach me. I squeezed through the crowd and her voice faded behind
me. I watched my back while I drummed up aimless conversation with a bunch of
people that were already slurring their words. I had no idea where in the room they
were but I was trying to stay out of dodge as much as possible.
The food was
plentiful and the champagne was steadily flowing. That alone was enough to keep
the party going and the guests fully occupied. As soon as I had a chance I used
the opportunity to high tail it to my office. I stood with my back up against
the door for a while then walked over to the wall behind my desk that was one
big huge window. I placed my head up against the cool glass. I felt so out of
place. Some days I would forget what I did it all for until reality would come
rushing back in. I was truly in need of a vacation.
“I don’t
know why I even care but I noticed you didn’t eat. Figured you could use this.”
To be honest
I wasn’t shocked that he’d found his way to my office. As a matter of fact, I
was expecting him. What puzzled me though was the same thing he obviously was
puzzled about, why he even cared enough to come. I turned my back to the window
and saw him standing in the shadows with a plate full of finger sandwiches, a
variety of meats and a piece of every cut fruit that was on the bar.
“Why are you
in here?” I asked with a high level of irritation. “You should go before your boo start looking for you.”
I walked
over and began organizing random papers that were already strategically placed
on my desk. I’d placed them in order of importance for when I came in the next
day and I knew exactly which stack was which so it didn’t matter that I was
doing it in the dark.
“My boo just so happens to be my sister,” he
chuckled.
He walked
over and placed the plate on my desk. I’d stopped in mid shuffle at him
confessing that my assistant was his sister. I immediately felt like an ass and
didn’t know what to say.
“Oh,” was
all I mustered and began to organize again.
He took his
hands and placed them on top of mine so I would stop moving papers around. I
dared not look up. I knew he was staring at me and I didn’t want to look back
but I was tired, irritated and ready to go anywhere that was far away from
here.
“What?” I
asked, finally looking up into his eyes.
“Nothing,”
he answered and took his hands off mine.
He stood up
and I sat down in my chair and slowly picked over the food he’d brought. My
stomach happily did flip flops. Obviously I’d been starving but too busy to
even notice.
“Thanks for
the food,” I told him dryly.
He look
pleased enough with that. “You’re welcome.” His tone matched mine.
He turned to
go back out of my office but then abruptly changed his mind and turned around.
“I just want
to know what happened. I ask you out and you accept but then nothing.”
He waited
for my reply but I didn’t have one. I was normally a quick thinker but this had
me completely thrown off.
“Hell I even
asked you out despite the fact that you’d never given me your name. And you still haven’t. I had to get it from
Shelby, Ms. Regina Washington.”
I’d had enough.
I immediately jumped to my feet. I slammed my hands palm down on my desk. “Are
you quite finished Mr….”
“Carpenter.
Sheldon Carpenter. I’m Shelby’s twin brother,” he answered in a much calmer
voice than he was speaking in before.
I calmed my
tone to match his. “Listen, I apologize alright? Sometimes people do get
preoccupied you know. I had a lot on my
mind. You just came to me at the wrong time that night.”
He slowly
made his way back to my desk and sat in the chair in front of it. Our eyes
never left each other, one silently challenging the other to make a move. Since
he sat, I sat, but my eyes refused to leave his. I couldn’t read what he was
thinking which was scary to me.
“Go ahead
and eat your food. I’m sure you must be hungry,” he said softly.
I slid the
loaded plate back towards me and began picking at it again. I finally relaxed
enough to enjoy everything he’d fixed me.
Sheldon shook his head as he watched me.
“You think
your power is this office and that fancy desk you sit at,” he started. I just
watched and didn’t say a word. “You think those expensive clothes double your
value.”
“You’re so preoccupied that you don’t even realize
the power that lies within you. You don’t realize the power of your presence
and the reaction you get from the people around you just by the way you walk
into a room. You, Ms. Washington, do not know your real worth. Not your
financial value, but your worth as a woman.”
I stopped
eating and sat back in my chair to reflect on what he’d said. I’d never thought
of myself as a woman. I never thought of how I even measured up as a woman. My
career was so important to me. My family needed to be taken care of. I couldn’t
remember the last time I’d taken a moment, just a second, to worry about myself
but that was okay or so I thought. My parents deserved the break. They were
high school sweethearts that fell in love and got pregnant with me when they
were both only 21. It was my mother’s dream to grow up and become a lawyer. My
arrival of course cut those plans short.
My father
couldn’t afford to put my mother through law school, go to school himself and
take care of me financially along with everything else so they both quit
college and went to work after getting married. Neither of them ever made me
feel like I was the reason for their struggle but that was exactly how I felt.
I had been determined to live out my mother’s dream of becoming a lawyer and
take care of them and my little brother. I felt it was the least I could do. They
were awesome parents to us and I wanted to make sure they knew that. The only
“phenomenal woman” I had ever been concerned with being was one that was damn
good at her lawyer game.
“You have no
idea how beautiful you look right now,” came his voice in my ear.
He was no
longer seated in front of me but standing behind my chair, massaging my neck
and whispering in my ear. I closed my eyes and let the sound of his voice
soothe me. My reaction to this whole encounter felt new yet welcomed. I was
usually uncomfortable with people in my personal space but the warmth of his
breath, the softness of his cheek on mine and the strength of his manly hands
on my body all left me wanting so much more.
“Sheldon,” I
whispered.
“My nights
have been filled with dreams of you since the day I first laid eyes on you. In
the diner I’d let you go in front of me just so I could stand close behind you
and get a whiff of your hair or perfume. So many times I wanted to hold you and
be the one to tell you everything would be okay. All I want you to do is let
go.”
His lips
began to travel from my ear to my neck. Tears were flowing from my eyes as I
finally did what he’d just told me it was okay to do. Years of confusion,
determination and stress was released into the atmosphere while I concentrated
on being a woman for the first time in forever. I let it all go and being with
him made it feel right to do so. I slowly stood and turned to face him. He
moved the chair out of the way and came to stand directly in front of me. To my
surprise, and his, I reached up and put my arms around his neck as I pulled him
closer into a tight and much needed hug.
“Can I have
you?” he whispered into my ear.
“Please,” I
whispered back.
In what
seemed to be a split second he had my skirt up around my waist, my panties
around one ankle and me seated on the top of my desk. I found myself trying to
situate how I was seated so I wouldn’t disrupt the piles of organized papers. I
laughed out loud when I realized my OCD had obviously reached an all time high.
With one swoop of my hand I sent all the papers flying in the air and floating
to the floor. Sheldon began to laugh too. I laid back and brought him down with
me. I had never experienced intimacy at this level before. We kissed, nibbled,
played and stared into each other’s eyes as we made love. I finally understood
what people meant by “the magic in the air.” It was the equivalent of happiness
at its most purest and vulnerable moment.
“Boss Lady?
Sheldon-Boo?”
We froze at
the sound of Shelby’s voice.
“Oh my God!”
I mouthed to Sheldon.
We
frantically ran around the office trying to pick up the scattered papers and
place them back on my desk in some sort of a neat manner all while trying to
get dressed at the same time. As soon as we heard the door open we both dove
head first under my desk. While she called our names and looked around we made
faces at each other but tried not to laugh. Shelby gave up, closed the door and
left. We burst into fits of laughter and laid out next to each other on my
office floor. I never knew letting go would feel that damn good.
***
“I’ll be
right back,” I called over my shoulder.
Everyone was
on the floor dancing so I used the opportunity to grab an empty stool and just
watch.
“What can I
get you?” she asked.
I swiveled
around and smiled.
“A glass of
red wine, please,” was all I said and she got to filling my request.
I turned back
around and looked over the crowd. My eyes landed on my husband, the man I’d
dismissed exactly a year ago on this very night. I had been right. He worked in
the same building but he was not the janitor. He was the owner of one of the
private agencies just one floor up from my office. He taught me how to let go
and live. He showed me how to work smart so we could play hard. The happiness I
felt inside shined through to the outside for everyone to see. The partners at
the firm liked what they saw so much that they finally made me one of them. My
work ethic, dedication and talent was never an issue but obviously my lack of
personality was.
I could
understand where they were coming from. I was wearing my frustration and
fatigue on my sleeve. I was clearly just going through life’s motions without a
clue as to what I was actually doing so I had to constantly remind myself why I
was doing it. I was trying to please everyone else and it was draining me dry.
I’d finally learned how to prioritize my life and always leave some for myself.
It made me and everyone else around me much happier.
“Here you
go. You got someone special you holding tight at midnight?” she asked.
“Well I
kinda had my eye on that handsome fellow by the DJ booth,” I told her.
“Ahhh yeah
he’s definitely eye candy. Got your resolution all set? Lemme guess, you trynna
dominate on the 9 to 5 right?”
I shook my
head and held up my hand showing her my wedding set.
“Nah I have
a husband to get home to,” I said proudly.
“Okay I see
you!! So you gonna start a family this year?” she probed.
“TEN! NINE!
EIGHT!” the crowd began the New Year count down.
“Who knows?”
I yelled at the bartender over the crowd. “I’m definitely woman enough to do
both!”
“SEVEN! SIX!
FIVE!”
With that I
held up my drink to her and sashayed over to my awaiting husband. This past
year had definitely been life changing and I couldn’t wait for what the future
had in store. Maybe we would try to start our own family. Then again maybe we
would decide to wait. One thing for sure is that it was refreshing knowing that
no matter what I wouldn’t be alone to handle it all on my own. Letting go and
sharing the load was oh so liberating. My life before was good, but Sheldon
made it great.
“FOUR!
THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!” we all yelled.
My husband
and I clinked glasses with our friends and shared a long passionate kiss. New
year, new thrive, and I was definitely ready!
To see the full January issue of THRIVE online magazine please go to:
https://www.joomag.com/magazine/thrive-magazine-january-2017-new-year-new-thrive/0176936001483388575?short
Until next time you guys, be on the lookout for more from
your girl MoGeSu!!
InstaGram and Twitter: Author.MoGesu
